Excesses & Exceptions
Good day friends, today, I will be addressing both husbands and wives together majorly because this particular series will be the last one under this course for the married, I’d earlier explained that we can’t exhaust all that there is to say on this topic, moreover the other things needed to be broached are not for public platforms like this, they are Seminar stuffs where only and only the married are present.
But also, this series will not be thorough if I don’t address the issue of excesses and exceptions. Let me also prepare your minds, this will also be the toughest and hardest of the series because I won’t be very sparing or too diplomatic, I apologise ahead. So follow me.
Sexual Excesses.
Husbands:
1). Dear Orifice husband. Yes, you as a man should indeed enjoy sex, in fact, it’s your right, but please my brother, stop demanding sexual styles and techniques that will harm and hurt her both physically and emotionally, these days, men seem to want to put the penis in every available opening and orifice in the woman’s body. Ok, you want it in the vagina, fine, you asked for the mouth, she agreed, you went as far as releasing into her mouth, she tolerated it, as irritating as that is, then again, you are asking for the ANUS!! Seriously bro?
See, I say it all the time, whatever goes on in the sanctity sanctum of your bedroom as a couple is your business and not that of anyone, but please, don’t hurt your wife and harm her because you want to take your pleasure. Why on earth will you want to put your penis in her Anus! When it’s so clear that it’s harmful to her, scientifically, medically, everything’ll its harmful! Please dear husband out there, it’s not every sexual fantasy and style that you imagine or see on pornographic sites that you should try on your wife! The real name of sex is Lovemaking, it’s all about love, not just using her as a sexual lab rat to experiment on whether she enjoys it or not, it’s your duty and pride as a man to give your wife pleasure, not just take pleasure from her at her expense. It’s not every opening of her body that needs your ministrations, we need to curtail these excesses now or one of these days we will start hearing of men demanding to put it in the Nose, ears and eyes sef. Remember I’d earlier told women to please give room for varieties in the bedroom and not condemn you guys to a missionary life, nevertheless at the same time, let’s do it softly softly o, your wife is not an acrobat or Jacky Chan who can be twisted here, bent there, rearranged into one thousand and one shape to accommodate your fantasies, please, she is not made of rubber. Don’t harm her, don’t hurt her, don’t break her, she is precious, she is your wife, love her, pleasure her. And if you need to seek help to break away from those habits and fantasies that makes you to desire such excesses, please seek help, there are solutions to all these things. Please, I’m begging you.
2). Dear hungry husband. To be candid, I know that sex is pleasurable, particularly for you guys, but please, it’s not food, I assure you, if you don’t have sex every day, you won’t die. In fact, you need food more than sex. Why must you as a man demand for sex EVERYDAY!! Haba! Kilode!, what now!, iv handled and heard of cases where the last thing the man does before going to work is sex, then first thing as he arrives from work is straight to the bedroom, for dessert and his snack before the main dinner, on a daily basis. I know husbands who goes to their wives’ working place, picks her up, drive to a secluded area, and have a quickly at the back of the car! Seriously, such excesses must stop my dear brother, such behavior is an indication of an inherent emotional and psychological problem, it’s not normal and it’s not godly, the devil is after you believe me, you need to seek help, lack of sexual control is a malady, it’s not normal. You see, when you treat your wife like that as if she is a cloth and the only clothe in the wardrobe, it’s a matter of time, she will age and start looking like wrinkled Gagoo in king Solomon’s Mines, Please I beg you, work on it. Your wife is a sweet, delicious, delectable, precious and rare fruit.
You don’t eat things like that rush rush now, you savor it, preserve it, reserve it, keep it and gradually enjoy the exquisite taste. Everyman must learn the secret and power of delayed gratification.
You guys knows I’m always rooting for you but I just must tell you this truth.
Once again I celebrate you all.
Wives:
1). Dear eternally tired wife. I know how stressful and hard the life of a woman is and can be, home, work, church, family, children etc. It’s one long story of tiring work, we as women practically redefine the word “multitask”, but seriously, you can’t continue to say no to your husband’s advances over the excuse of “I am tired”. Everyone is tired my sister.
Moreover, see, lf it’s a matter of tired, my own name should be changed to Tutu “tiredly multitasking” Osofowora, lolll. Every woman has that middle name, so please Sis, stop refusing your man all the time, plan your time, be more organized, get help, do whatever it takes but this eternal tiredness is getting too much. You can’t continue to deny him over such excuses O, face it, are you really tired or are there other underlying challenges, some of us women actually have phobias and damaged ideologies and perceptions about sex, often because of wrong information or past traumatic experiences, if so, seek help, open up, let your man know what is happening, there are ways out but please stop insulting his intelligence and depriving him of his right with this I am tired excuse. We are all tired actually.
2). Dear “Precious Mother” wife. I raised this issue before, some of you fought me over it, sorry if I stepped on your delicate toes, forgive me but I will raise it again. Don’t allow your motherhood to destroy your sexual life with your husband, balance things, see, I’m a mother too, in fact, people call me mother hen, that’s how protective I am over my kids, but as a woman, we are more than mothers, we are also wives, and in fact, we are wives first and will be wives lastly because finally all those kids will grow up and leave.
Why do you keep allowing your baby to sleep between you and your hubby, even when he or she is as old as one or two years, the man wants to reach for his wife at night, junior is blocking him, what is a one year old doing in your room, let alone on your bed every time
.
Some of us women don’t know how to handle breastfeeding or nursing season, do you know that breast milk smells, especially those of us who are heavy locators, there are ways to do these things that the poor guy will not always smell stale eggy milk on you, the bed and everywhere, it’s a turn off and it affects their libido. See, our husbands will probably never complain because they don’t want to be tagged insensitive and uncaring so they keep quiet and struggle through it accepting it as part of their cross but all I’m saying is, we can make it easier, we can’t keep giving all these excuses please. God will help us all. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s still doable. I do love and celebrate you my dear sisters. Grace abounds to us all.
Exceptions
I cannot end this series and drop my pen without saying this. I’m a strong believer in the concept that one size does not fit all, a single rule may not apply to everyone. I have said and hinted a lot since Bedmatics 101 till today, nevertheless, I know there may and will be exceptions to the rules.
For example, I know men who don’t recognise, appreciate or even respond to seduction techniques from their wives, he himself does not know or even want any other style except missionary, he is content in the Calling which the Lord has called him into, lolll. I also know women who don’t mind swallowing semen, many of us women may say it’s irritating but for her it’s a good source of carbohydrate and vitamins, lollll. We do have exceptions, but this is why I prefer to call sex Lovemaking. Love and communication is key in any sexual and marital relationship. If love and good communication is present, even in exceptions and variations, you will both talk it out, both parties will adjust if necessary, will compromise if necessary but ultimately will only do to each other what will give each other joy and pleasure because actually Jerusalem is the city of the king and it’s all about love.
I’ll like to conclude by quoting one of my favorite scriptures on this matter:
“Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
1 Corinthians 7:2-6 MSG.
Shallom.
I celebrate you all for your patience and being such outstanding students
Next Monday is the grand finale: SINGLES & BEDMTICS. Catch you then.
Adetutu is a Relationship Coach and Teacher of God’s word. For counselling on relationship matters contact her via email: info@lagospostng.com
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