It’s another bright Monday morning, may this day answer to us all and deliver its blessings and benefits at our addresses in Jesus name.
Today we continue our series on BEDMATICs and I’ll like to first appreciate you for taking the time to read the last two series, like I said, these are just tips and suggestions which I believe can help us all, they are not exhaustive or all-encompassing in their scope. Today’s tips will be a bit long, I crave your patience ahead please. Here we go for today’s tips:
1). Dear Wise husband, remember that last week I said you should do plenty day time and kitchen blues (check bedmatics 101), but please be wise, don’t make a habit of showing special attention and affection to your wife ONLY when you want “something” at night, your wife is an intelligent free moral agent, after a while, she will pick it that you are only “nice” to her when you are planning to ask for sex. This is a No No for a lady, a potent libido killer for her, doing this will make her feel like a project, she will believe you don’t love her, you only love her body. You see, your wife does not think like a man, (in a man’s mind, a woman and her body are intermingled, he loves both almost equally, lolll), but we ladies can’t easily comprehend that fact, so make the show of affection, attention and TLC (tender loving care) a constant feature of your dealings with her, if not, she will grow to despise you, become irritated with you and exhibit frigidity where you are concerned. Bro, be wise.
2). Dear Helping Husband. If you cast your mind back especially for those who have been married for some years now, your wife’s sexual appetite drastically reduced just around the time your first baby arrived and progressively became worse. My brother, what is happening is that a tired, harassed and stressed woman makes a very bad lover, who always gives excuses to avoid sex. You see, the life of the average wife is one long story of work, work and work, yea, I know you guys do a lot too, I often champion your course and defend good guys because I know you people are like Atlas, you carry the world on your shoulders, but women are under terrible stress, so find a way to help your wife, carry that baby for her once in a while, change the diapers, fetch the water if the tap isn’t running, if you don’t have the time to do all these, pay for someone to come in periodically to help her and most importantly learn to appreciate her efforts, say thank you, well done, etc. A relaxed wife is a responsive lover, reduce her stress and her excuses will be less.
3). Dear Major General Husband. Your wife is not a terrorist and her body is not the Sambisa forest, so try not to attack or approach her body during love making like a General on a hostage rescue mission, lolll. See, foreplay takes time, tenderness and thoroughness. You see, they just won’t tell you in time, but many wives run from sex because they feel pain often which mostly occur because the husband rushes through the whole process, so they are not properly prepared for coitus.
It’s not even that all men don’t know what to do (some don’t actually, we’ll soon come to that), but many men spend too little time doing the right things on bed spoiling the whole effect, frustrating the poor woman and turning the Jerusalem trip into a plane crash. Bro. She is your sweet wife, not the enemy or the conquest, spend enough time on foreplay, savour the moment, every inch of her body is your platform, explore with detailed precision, learn the principle of delayed gratification, a well pleasured wife will hardly say no the next time. The word orgasm is not a male word, it’s a unisex word, both husbands and wives should expect and experience it.
Now I know that some men rush through sex Like this because they battle with PE (premature ejaculation) which embarrasses many husbands, but my brothers, suffering in silence and covering up what is unnecessary, frustrating your wife and yourself is not smart, PE is resolvable, seek counsel, seek knowledge, go to professionals, some things that we cover up thinking they are mountains are actually mole hills with simple solutions.
Finally for today’s tips
4). Dear sincerely innocent husband. Contrary to popular opinion, ignorance is not a disease, it is just a state of the mind, it becomes a disease when ignorance remains uneducated. The truth my brothers is that some of you guys sincerely just don’t know how to make love, you just don’t have a clue on how to go about things. This issue comes in two ways:
- A) The first group consists of the young married guys who married as virgins and who didn’t have an idea of anything and also didn’t bother to find out before marriage and so keep bungling things up, I recently heard of a couple who for months were having sex via the anus because they both don’t know what the vagina is for, don’t be alarmed, it sounds crazy! But it happened! Thank God they met a good Christian Doctor and counselor who put them through, it’s stuff like that which makes someone like me decide it time to talk on these issues.
B). The second group consists of guys who have been sexually active before marriage and so considers themselves as pros forgetting that the woman in his house is unique and different and so probably won’t respond to or enjoy the same technique, some men also may not consider the possibility that most of those other women they have slept with may not have enjoyed it too and were only “oohing” and “Ahiing” for them in deception to get their money. So such guys approach their wives after marriage with such pseudo sense of confidence not knowing that they are actually experienced but ignorant.
So dear husband, don’t assume you are doing a good job, do a regular “sex-valuation” in your home, ask your wife from time to Time if she’s feeling you, listen and adjust, communication is a major instrument in lovemaking. Also, seek help, seek knowledge, seek counsel and information if necessary, don’t feel too big to ask for help.
Talk to your pastor, mentors, counselors and other godly more matured married men around you, it’s not a shameful thing to ask questions, your home and love life will be the better for it.
Once again I celebrate all our men and husbands out there, we ladies make the world go round but you are God’s human vessels who carries it on your strong and anointed shoulders. Till next Monday.
Adetutu is a Relationship Coach and Teacher of God’s word.