This is the second part of the series on Sex issues between the married. Yesterday, I addressed our men and husbands and I must say their responses were quite encouraging. I do hope that we also as women will today be open minded and accept our own issues without trying to explain it away, often we women get excited when men’s faults are highlighted but the moment our cases are brought up, we get a bit defensive. Please, this post is not to attack womanhood, it’s not personal, it’s issue oriented.
Today is for us WIVES and WOMEN. Let’s also remember that all I’m sharing are just tips that both parties need to work on, these tips are not exhaustive but can go a long way to enhance our marital bed experiences. So here we go:
1). DEAR COY WIFE, try to respond well when your hubby is doing morning blues and kitchen blues like I told them yesterday, when he says you are ravishing, don’t roll your eyes and say “you are not serious joo” and just walk away, nooo! Flash him another ravishing smile, thank him and deliberately cat walk away.
When he comes to the kitchen to hold you or say hi, yes I know you are tired, but don’t scowl at him and say “look, I’m busy jare, don’t disturb me… “. When he sends a text during the day, no matter how tight your schedule is madam, reply in kind. We both know my dear sister that we as women enjoy those attention, so don’t play COY too much refusing to respond well thinking he’ll always do it. We ladies do that a lot.
The average man hates to be rebuffed, so when you innocently put his day time blues off every time, he learns to stop doing it, then when he stops, we miss it and start complaining. It’s a different issue if he never knew to do it, but yesterday he has been told and he will adjust, but we too should encourage our men to do more by deliberately responding well.
2). DEAR DELECTABLE WIFE, it is important that you accept that your hubby is not a wizard, he sincerely cannot know everything so help him out. You know your body, you know what makes you tic, you know your fantasies, you know what excites you, so don’t just leave him to be fumbling about, tell him.
I know that the fairy tale, romance novel, Hollywood idea is that the great man in bed is this hunk who knows everything and with just a look and one touch he transports you to Jerusalem without even boarding the plane, but in real life, he’s just human like you, so help him.
Don’t be shy, you know where it itches, guide him to do the scratching. If you are too shy to look him in the face and tell him, write a love note and drop where he’ll see. Believe me, the average good man will immensely appreciate it.
3). DEAR SCINTILLATING WIFE, try as much as possible to be neat, clean and lovely, both as an individual and even the house and bedroom. Firstly because some men really do get put off by a dirty environment and secondly which is the major reason, it’s not that easy for a man to do justice to love making on a dirty or smelly body in a smellier and dirtier room.
Remember his intent is to worship at the altar of your body, to do this, his mouth and tongue have a lot to do, even in church, we need our mouth for worship abi? Love making too is a form of worship so please don’t make his foreplay services hard and unbearable, let him perceive good fragrance. The Bible commands him to drink from your water pot (cistern), but No one likes to drink from a dirty pot o. Most men just don’t talk, but sometimes, its why many of them seem to rush through the foreplay like an Olympic sprinter. They just want to get it done and over with fast and go in for the kill which often denies you of your rightful pleasure. So Sis, help him out because on the marital bed, your body is his altar, the sole recipient of his adoration, so let there be ease in every place of service.
4). DEAR RAVISHING WIFE, please and please, this is 2016, so be open minded, for the sake of the Lord, try other styles with your husband, especially if they are not hurtful or too uncomfortable. Don’t just keep saying no to other techniques all because grandma didn’t sleep with grandpa like that or because such styles are not acceptable in your church. Your church! What has that got to do with Bedmatics! As long as they are not unscriptural, painful or harmful, whatever goes on in the sanctity sanctum of your matrimonial bedroom is entirely your business sis.
Don’t be set in your ways for no reason, do away with all these old women fables, edit your perception, broaden your horizons, explore with him, don’t be docile, seek knowledge and information if you need to, spice up the satin sheets a bit, do something new, even the Lord promised to do a new thing.
Why must the poor guy do Missionary style every time, not Everyman is a missionary now, some are pastors, teachers, evangelists, even apostles, so why must he forever use the missionary style, why condemn him eternally to a ministry that God has not called him into.
Even the Holy Spirit is dynamic. Let’s try not to bore these our guys in the bedroom, please, please, do something new. Drive him nuts if only once in a month, a new sexy, mind blowing, eye Popping night gown is a starter for example, then you can move on to higher callings from there… It takes two to make love, yes I know that our men has more work to do and next Monday I’ll be dealing with them seriously , but let’s help them along too.
Today’s lesson ends here, till next Tuesday when we move to some other tips and areas. Let’s remember, MONDAYS are for husbands and TUESDAYS for wives.
I celebrate all you ladies out there, as women, we are amazing people, the truth is, we make the world go round.
Adetutu is a Relationship Coach and Teacher of God’s word.