Bedmatics (For Wives) Part 4 By Adetutu Oshofowora


Good morning dear sisters out there, what a Blessed day the Lord has made, our joy shall be full in it.

Today’s tips are for the delectable Wives and as usual, they are just tips and practical observations to enhance our love life as married couples.

  1. Dear Barter system wife. The way we notice and dislike it when our men only show us affection when they want our bodies is the same way men notice and hate it when we use sex as a bargaining chip with them. A lot of women use sex as the currency to get things from their husbands, it is at such vulnerable times that you ask for this or that, make him promise this and that, the poor guy’s brain is all scrambled up with your beautiful body and you know it, so you use it to get what you want.

Hear me out, you know how blunt and practical I am, yes I know some husbands could be unreasonable and tightfisted and won’t even listen to you except his third leg is ready for action so it seems only wise to use what you have to get what you want, but Nooo my sister, two wrongs do not make a right, two wrongs equal to a wrong raise to power 2, loll. Love making is sacred and spiritual, your body is a temple with an altar, do not reduce it to a trade by barter market, do not turn your marital bed into an auction sales room where instead of the music of the sweet sounds of love is being played, what we hear is the bell of the auctioneer (you) shouting, going! Going!!! Gone!!!. Nah, it’s an insult to your body and a kick to your hubby’s groin. If you present your body as a weapon of acquisition, don’t blame your hubby if he uses it like a soldier.

Rather, work on the fundamental issues between you both, you don’t destroy a tree by removing its fruits, you go to the roots. Your body is not a currency, never bargain with it, men notice and they hate it. Your body is God’s masterpiece, the workmanship of the Divine Himself, it’s a gift, give it freely with love.

2).        Dear Novella wife. I read a lot of Harlequin, Dr, Nurse, M &B romance novels too while growing up, so I know the many unrealistic pictures they paint in our minds about sex, what do I mean?. Sis, it’s not every man that can go 3 rounds in one session of love making, giving you 3 amazing orgasm in quick succession, Haba!! He’s not an orgasm machine now! Please, let’s cut these guys some slacks and reduce our novella based expectations, let’s not keep comparing them too much with fictional characters in romance novels, reality is a bit different actually.
Yes, I know our libidos and sexual needs and drives varies as women, but let’s also be realistic in our expectations a bit, I’m not saying we don’t have guys who can do that o, as in orgasm machines, sealed and delivered, factory fitted, I guess they exist but I’m saying in case your husband’s model is a bit different from that, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad lover. Moreover if truly they listen to yesterday’s advice to spend enough time pleasuring you during foreplay, then 3 or 4 rounds in one session is farfetched, he has to go to work the next day now, we must eat o.
What am I saying, it’s not every time our husbands will perform beyond and above expectations in bed, when they don’t, cut him some slacks, talk it out, encourage him, men are trying you know, the burden and expectations on them sometimes is so much, I often wonder how they even think of sex, anyway, it’s a form of detrusor for them, so Sis, be realistic. He’s real flesh and blood in front of you, he’s not a fictional character from that sizzling hot novel, just saying.

3).        Dear Shy wife. It’s sweet and lovely to be delicate and shy, it’s appealing and alluring, but you see marriage and love is real and raw, so Sis, do away with that shyness stuff, once in a while you too should initiate love making and make love to your hubby, why must it be him that asks and chases you all the time, why must you be the one who lies down and receive all the ministrations every time, see, it’s not only we women that enjoys the knowledge that we are wanted, a man too feels cool and nice when he knows you want and desire him, you see, it boosts their ego and puts a fresh swagger in their steps. So dear Sis, don’t always leave him to be the stud, men don’t often say it out but in their hearts they also often wonder why he’s the one always asking and chasing and if this woman really wants or love him too, actually men could feel as unsecured and confused as ladies. (I know we have exceptions to these cases and soon we will come to that, but I’m speaking regularly and generally here)

So Sis, initiate it once In a while, love on him too, commence the ministrations, he may take over later, no crime in driving him nuts just a bit. You know what I mean? Lolll.

Finally for today.

4).        Dear Sweet wife. Give him feedback when he does a fantastic job of making love to you, ehn! Yes! I’m still born again. Don’t let your feedbacks only be when he bungled it up, let him know it when the Jerusalem trip was a wow! Learn to use innuendos, Sis, loosen up. The average guy feels cool with himself when he knows his wife is enjoying him, it’s a major ego boost for them. So when he gives you heaven on earth, tell him. Don’t be stingy with your applause, be generous. It will make him to want to do more and remember, it’s you that it will finally pay o, abi you don’t like enjoyment? You do?

So do us all, lolll.

I celebrate you all my fellow women of grace and virtue, you are royalties on display, I rise in honour.

Adetutu is a Relationship Coach and Teacher of God’s word. For counselling on relationship matters contact her via email: