Emotional affairs, emotional affairs, emotional affairs. Unnnnn, I’m going to be blunt so I ask for forgiveness ahead. I avoided this issue for long because I have a slightly different view about it and I didn’t want to step on toes, but let me just share my mind and leave it at that.
Let’s face it, every married person especially women are susceptible to emotional affairs and the truth is most married people if not all have been exposed to or involved in it at one time or the other, it’s the degree that now differs based on that person’s maturity, understanding and home situation at that time, and in case you are out there and has never been involved in or exposed to an emotional affair as a married person, don’t worry, stay married long enough and you will probably face it or have a brush with it.
The bitter truth is that your spouse is definitely not the most good looking and wonderful Person in the world, even if he or she is, they can’t be the only one, there will be others just like him or her and you will meet them at one point in your life’s journey or another and there may be sparks and attraction. It is inevitable, it will happen, so it’s best to know this reality ahead and be prepared.
The best way to prepare ahead and protect each other from emotional affairs as a couple apart from avoiding undefined close relationships is to make sure that you meet your partner’s emotional needs very well. This is also why emotional affairs are more common amongst women because a lot of husbands do not meet the emotional needs of their wives, they don’t even know them.
Listen to me, it takes a special kind of psychological sickness for someone who is well nourished, full and satisfied to go and steal food to eat. So also, if your spouse is emotionally nourished, fed and satisfied by you, he or she faces less temptation to be swayed by someone else. Even if he or she meets someone like you, they may be intrigued but since they are not starved and they are not hungry, there will be less or no temptation to go gobbling up the emotional food anyone is dishing out to them.
I was telling one of my daughters last week that I’ve come to discover that quite a number of married women are “in love” with their pastor, don’t blame her, she should be. Her pastor listens to her with understanding, doesn’t cut her short or wave her aside, compliments her, comforts her and follows up on her issues, he makes her feel precious, everything her husband has stopped doing since he put the ring on her finger.
The irony of it all is that this woman will find it hard to face the fact that her pastor is probably just doing all this because that’s his work, lollll, that’s what his own job description demands, he as well may not be treating his wife like that at home, probably the pastor’s wife too is facing similar neglect and starvation from her pastor husband or worse, since pastors are often more prone to neglecting their wives and starving them emotionally because of the terrible demands of ministry work, understandable but definitely inexcusable.
But this wife in question won’t think like that, all she knows is that her pastor is meeting her emotional needs and so she falls for him, simple.
On the other hand too, this great husband just employed this sweet awesome secretary or subordinate who innocently simply compliments him, has a good head on her shoulder, discusses intelligently, and also respects him like a king to top it all etc, everything the wife at home sincerely doesn’t have the time for again, so he naturally gravitates towards her, also forgetting that she’s just doing her work and will probably become worse than his wife one day after she too “settles” down, lolllll. He simply forms a bond of friendship with her, and if not careful emotional entanglements evolves.
So my dear brother and sister, your spouse has serious emotional needs, no amount of Holy Spirit or preaching will take it away, it is God that wired it into us. The reason why that married woman’s head is spinning at the compliment given to her regularly by her colleague at work is cos she’s starved of it at home. When that handsome dude friend of hers saw her at work early on Monday morning and said Mrs. So and so, you look breathtaking today and flashes her a Charming smile, her heart flutters and do you know why? Because the person who should be having difficulty in breathing by virtue of her beauty and who should have told her about it didn’t even notice her that Morning and if he did, instead of gasping for breath at her beauty, he simply picked a handy inhaler to breathe well, lollll.
In as much as I am not encouraging emotional affairs, I’m saying that emotional affairs are like birds flying over your head, they are often always around you but how swayed or affected you will be is often determined by the kind of emotional nutrition and nourishment you are getting from your spouse.
Everyone naturally gravitates towards where ever they are being celebrated and towards whoever is celebrating them, so my dear husband and wife, give each other attention, affection and good connection. If you are both doing the right things and pressing the right buttons, you will both be too busy having an emotional affair with each other to dwell on any distractions from outside.
Your relationship coach – Tusky.