One of the most recurrent issues in marriage is the issue of in laws, especially mothers in law and this morning I want to talk a little about the issue, in simple power point like manner. It’s a delicate one but God will help me.
Firstly, it’s not true that all mothers in law are bad witches whose only vision in life is to make their daughters in law miserable, Nah, there are mothers in law, many of them who are Angels, who are even far better than your own mother. I know of mothers in law who will come to their son’s house to give them sexual time table, I.e when to have sex with his wife and when not to, those are the witchy type, lolll, yet I know also of mothers in law that their daughter in law pray day and night that God should make her live lonnnnng because of how wonderful she is. Remember, Naomi was a mother in law and she transformed her daughter in law’s life. So please mothers in law (MILS) are not all bad.
Nevertheless, it seems there is often this everlasting battle between most MILs and their son’s wives so this morning instead of talking and talking, I’m just going to drop 10 guiding principles to being a good MIL.
- Let go of your child. Please cut the apron’s string as a Mother, your son is your son, not your husband, once his own woman enters his life, let go. Holding onto your son tightly is not the sign of a good mother; it’s a sign of emotional deficiency. Face it, children are born and raised to leave the house. “In “gigoing” your son must go”. Let him go, or you may eventually still lose him, not to death but to estrangement.
- Never see your daughter in law as a competitor or threat that has come to steal your precious son from you. Listen dear mother, I know how much you suffered over your son, but you see, all you did for him is not a business investment, it’s your duty, God is your source, not your son, so don’t see him as the business venture that must yield for you and so his wife is seen as a rival company who has come to take all the profit. See, the wisest thing to do is to love his wife like you love him too, if truly he’s a good son, he will take care of you and if for whatever reason, you notice that his wife seems to be stopping him from doing whatever you feel he should, haba! My dear fellow mother, you are not supposed to need them to live and live well, in fact, you are supposed to live an inheritance for your children and grandchildren, so the mind of God is that if any child gives you anything, it’s not because you need it or cannot afford it, it’s because that child needs your blessing. So there is nothing to compete over my dear sisters. You and I will be so blessed that the real competition will be that who will outgive each other, not that you see your daughter in law as a usurper.
- Mind your business. What do I mean, dear mother, don’t dole out unsolicited counsels, advices and opinions. Once your children are married, stop dabbling into issues they did not invite you into. Respect yourself. Your children are adults and if you as a mother have done your work of upbringing well, your grown up son should be able to make life’s decision with his spouse without you putting your nose into it, if they need your input, they will consult you, if they don’t and you are worried, go on your knees. Even if you now feel you must talk, then let it be an advice, don’t enforce it, it’s not your home, what is your own there. When you as a MIL learn to mind your business, your children and their spouses will respect you.
- Obey prov 25:17. You see, the Bible is a perfect book; we just don’t read, know and obey it. This is what that scripture says in message version: “when you find a friend, don’t outwear your welcome, if you show up at all hours, he will get fed up”. Lollll. Another version says, “If you frequent people’s houses too much, they will hate you”.
So my dear Mother, stay in your own house!! Your son’s or daughter’s house is not your house; let it be the soldier ant of your house that will be biting you, not that of your children’s house. Reduce your visitation rights, if you visit them too often, you choke them and become a tolerated nuisance. The reason why your daughter in law has become the soldier Ant that is biting you in your son’s house is because you go there too often.
Be the kind of a mother that when you say you you are coming, Ah! They know the queen of Sheba is coming, firstly, they know blessing is coming to their house, and so they prepare a royal welcome.
Shorten the time spent. This 5th one is an extension of the 4th. When you finally visit, let it be a visitation not an invasion. Don’t spend too long a time with them. Why should you go and be spending 3 months with a couple, when you are not an invalid, kilode! It’s understandable maybe if there is sickness, and that is why it’s part of your responsibility to stand on God’s word that you can never be an invalid. I have told God, my kids will never be stressed over me, Tufiakpa, it can never happen, I am an embodiment of health and wealth.
Even if they give birth and you want to go and do “Omugwo” (hope I spelt it well), I.e you want to go and help with the child, I still don’t see why you are there for 3 Months o, don’t you have your own work, are you not busy for God and humanity?. Also, I personally secretly believe that many women use this Omugwo as an escape opportunity from their own unhappy homes. Because if you are not a widow and your hubby is still alive and both of you are still having fun at 50 upwards, how were you able to leave your own husband and home for 3 months or more to go and sit down in one child’s house. I apologize if I’m wrong but none of my kids expects that from me, they know me too well to expect that. The only excuse for that is if the daughter in law, or the daughter has problems or complications at child birth which we don’t pray for and won’t happen In Jesus name. Such should be an exception, not the norm.
I will stop today with these 5 points to avoid too long an article; the remaining 5 points will be out next week. Be a mother in law, I.e don’t go about breaking the laws and rules of your children’s homes, by doing that you become an OUTLAW, and remember, outlaws are seen as criminals whom everyone tries to avoid.
Your relationship coach – Tusky.